Holiday Havok - December 26, 2021

Liam Stewart: We are LIVE at the Heritage Bank Center in Cincinnati, Ohio! BWF Holiday Havok is ON THE AIR, and we're about to kick things off right - it's time to decide the BWF Tag Team Championships!

Alison James: But first, a word from Logan Bailey and Helena Handbasket...

Helena Handbasket slides into the camera’s frame from the left, skidding to a quick halt before patting down her long white and rainbow coat and flailing for the audience. The bouncy blonde hops up and down darting over to reach out just above the camera and retrieve something. Pulling back, the Tiny Time Bomb places a Chinchilla plushie on her head, holding her balance.

Helena Handbasket: Yo! party people! Hey Logan! What’s with the menagerie? Oh right, they all represent something for you, yeah? Don’t get me wrong, I know I set this up but it was basically only because you left them in a bag in my hotel room with a note that said “Helena set this up for the camera.” That’s sorta my shtick so hey why not?

Helena shows her tag partner Logan Bailey sitting at a table with three stuffed animals. The Quagsire from when he was in that World Title tournament that he cut the promo of his life for only to lose in the first round of. A toucan, as he is a proud toucan owner, though bringing a live one seems dangerous. And one of Yakko Warner, which is fair considering Bailey's noted fandom of Animaniacs.

Logan Bailey: I’m shocked you were able to read my handwriting, it’s chicken scratch to me, man. Anyway, I've just got a whole-ass petting zoo here. Chinchilla aside, I've got Quagsire, this stuffed toucan, Yakko... call me Kevin James, 'cause I'm a damn zookeeper. But you see... there's a method to my madness here. Quagsire, as I once told our lovely audience, is Pokemon's embodiment of not being limited by its poor stats and just being itself... hence why people love it. Al the toucan in the middle here is for our name and what we do. We're the Two Cans and we're gonna fuckin' can ya. And Yakko here? Well, ain't that just me sans the transatlantic method of... arr-tick-you-lay-shun?

Bailey exaggerates his southern accent for the sake of a joke. Always leave them laughing, he'd say. Though he stammers by the end.

Logan Bailey: I'd have four with me, but uhh... I don't--I don't have any... thing for you yet, Helena. But I'll find something. You know, something other than the tag titles we're gonna go and hopefully win. That'd be hella Mug Moment, dude.

Helena Handbasket: I can read the scratchy-ist of chicken’s handwriting, no worries about it. Yeah, I’ve got Filbert here. He’s like my mascot persona-like, small, hyperactive, so adorable as to not be taken seriously and probably pretty fragile when you consider it. Guess I shouldn’t advertise that bit, though it isn’t like that matters much. Anyway we got a match so we also got a meeting of the Two-Minds…Cans? Mind-Two-...Help here I’m struggling.

Logan Bailey: Two Cans. Because “we’re gonna fuckin’ can ya” and all that malarky.

Helena Handbasket: That’d be a Mug Moment, innit?

Bailey nods to Handbasket.

Logan Bailey: Damn skippy. Think about our path. We were beating former BWF World Champions to get to this point. Honestly, when it comes to BWF’s tag division, we’re about… it, aren’t we? Given the situation at hand, at least to me... it stands to reason that we should get those tag titles. Hence… Mug Moment.

Helena Handbasket: We gotta what, do up Abbi Seraphim–

Logan Bailey: Andi Seraph…

Helena Handbasket: …and Skywalker Rick?

Logan Bailey: …and Luke Marshall. Couple-a redheads.

Helena handbasket: Yeah, I know what I said. They don’t even have a team name, Logan. Bland, boring, milquetoast. Un-cultured they’re just doing this tag thing for lack of another gig, really. No, you and I, we’re a team. Sure, they got us in the first round but that’s what spamming health potions is for. BWF needs a real team to be the tag team champions. Like Martial admits to being the “super rookie.” Yeah. we’re like, kinda rookies too but you’ve been working with Faye Fuckin’ Brown!

Logan Bailey: Yeah, and she’s gonna be a world champion in a few days.

Helena Hanbasket: Fuckin A right! I’ve had a bunch of training, even with Blazenwing himself.

Logan Bailey: You’ve been doing the training stuff with Matthew Knox, too. That counts for something like mine with Faye does.

Helena Handbasket: I couldn’t have put that better like no really I was trying. So, what’s up with stuffies? Now that we’ve covered education style why we’re all here. Granted we might be all here but we’re definitely not all there. We just gonna Two Can, Quagsire this whole thing? Peck them and then do like some move they didn’t think we were even capable of?

Helena Handbasket steps aside slightly and starts moving her hands in various karate chop motions, the chinchilla toy is surprisingly staying neatly perched a top her head.

Logan Bailey: That’s... certainly a way of putting it. But I think a more realistic way of beating our ginger opponents is more along the lines of making sure we’re not caught off guard again like we were on the 12th. That was kinda embarrassing, not gonna lie, especially given we’re the team in BWF right now... he said, only just realizing he gave Mr. Wing an idea for a second team... why do I English?

Bailey shakes his head no a little before petting at the head of the stuffed toucan in the center of the table

Logan Bailey: Al likes his scritches.

Helena reaches over and gives the stuffie the gentlest head scritches.

Helena Handbasket: Yeah, gotta give it to Al. I’m pretty sure if you hadn’t given Dave the idea for a second team we wouldn’t be getting this opportunity. I don’t wanna be handed the belts–

Logan Bailey: I do if the opportunity comes up…

Helena Handbasket: I’m perfectly fine with beating up on the redheaded step children. To give them credit, they gelled well and worked with each other. They did catch us off guard but that ain’t happenin’ twice. We know what we’re dealin’ with now.

Logan Bailey: Meaning there’s nothing keeping us from canning them. Let’s go get some tag gold.

Helena Handbasket: We. Know. Dis. Let’s do-do-do-it.

Helena, chinchilla still on her head, how at this point as she’s bounced up and down a couple of times and even bent backward in a limbo pose while talking, whistles as the team exits stage right this time.


And our first contest of the night is well underway! Both teams are getting some great offense in early on. Logan Bailey briefly confuses Andi Seraph by turning into a girl, but she's back to a he, he just got a near fall, and Andi may be questioning her life choices.

Luke Marshall hits the Green and Golden Bomb (Sit Out Last Ride Powerbomb) on Helena Handbasket! He covers... NO! Logan JUST breaks it up before three and all hell has broken loose in this opening contest! The Cincinnati crowd is going WILD!

Helena and Andi fight to the outside of the ring. Luke goes for a Freight Train spear... Logan dodges it! Luke rebounds, Logan ducks a clothesline, grabs Luke's arm, hits the Totally Insaney (Arm-wrench Pele)! He covers... 1... 2... 3!


Liam Stewart: THE TWO CANS HAVE DONE IT! WE HAVE NEW BWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!

Alison James: What a way to kick off this spectacular event!


Up next, it's Emily Corlen vs. Austin Darcy and right as the bell rings, these two are throwing punches like this is an MMA fight! A vicious headbutt from Corlen to Darcy seems to bust both competitors open, and neither individual is showing any sign of stopping!

Austin works on beating down Emily's leg, working her over with submissions and brutal hits. Corlen tries to fight out of it... survives a Texas Cloverleaf... and goes for the Down in Flames (Pedigree)! She hits... but she's too hurt to go for the cover!

This break is just what Austin needs. He recovers, continues whittling down Corlen's defenses, and when he hits the Texas Bred (Sit-Out Piledriver), his victory is all but assured. He covers, 1... 2... 3! Austin Darcy has defeated Emily Corlen at Holiday Havok!


The show cuts backstage to a confident and conniving BWF United States Champion in Minka Carter. She gets mainly a negative reaction from the fans with the exception of a few mixed in cheers from those that knew she grew up in the Cincinnati area. Minka does not waste too much time thinking about what she wants to say. She smirks with confidence as she begins to express her thoughts.

Minka Carter: I hope you all had a good Christmas… well, actually no. The fact of the matter is that I come in here giving a damn about one thing and one thing only and that is making sure that I retain my BWF United States Championship that I won a few weeks ago in that ladder match against all the odds that you can throw at me. I have already established myself as THE next star to watch in this company and there isn’t a damn thing that you can do about it. I didn’t win this United States Championship to be a short term champion. No, with me, you get a long term investment. With me, you get one of the best professional wrestlers in the world that has yet to win a world championship as much as I despise that distinction more and more each day.

Minka Carter: You would think that after the start that I got to here in that tournament and with how much I overcame THAT embarrassment that I would be HAPPY right? Especially since Christmas was yesterday and all of that? NO! You see, winning the United States Championship does not erase the EMBARRASSMENT of losing to someone like JOANNA. You see, I am very aware of Joanna’s reputation in this industry and not for the right reasons. I know that the IDIOT is well traveled around the business and rarely accomplishes anything. Joanna had NO RIGHT to even ADVANCE in that tournament, especially at my expense. Oh sure, she manages to get the victory to get the title shot tonight with her win against Bianca Page and all of that, but does she really think that she’s going to walk into this event and beat me again?

Minka Carter: FUCK NO!

Minka Carter: That was a FLUKE!

Minka Carter: I partially proved that as a fluke when she turned out to be one of the four people that I had beaten to win this title in the first place.

Minka Carter: I will SOLIDIFY that it was all a fluke when I beat her again. Joanna, you have no idea how the first night return of BWF STILL angers the hell out of me. You do not know the amount of anger that is boiling through me and the kicker is, that is anger YOU put in there. That is anger that I have reserved knowing that another encounter between us was inevitable. You get me one on one this time. There aren’t ladders involved. There isn’t another competitor involved. It’s just you and me and I know based on pure skill and pure dedication that I am at a level FAR beyond yours. I was NEVER going to let that fluke stand because someone like you has no right to beat someone like me!

Minka Carter: This is the night that I fulfill and complete my revenge that began when I won this United States Championship. If I lose this title in my first defense to someone like you, then there is no question that I am going to be considered one of the worst United States Champions in BWF history and… I’m just NOT going to have that! This is not a ball like it was for you the first time around, Cinderella. You don’t get to beat me again! You WON’T beat me again. You don’t want this match nearly as bad as I do. You just show up, wrestle, leave. You don’t promote this company. You barely even remind the fans here that you exist. You are someone, Joanna, that merely exists. In the big picture? In the long term? You’re not someone with the brightest of futures in this company. You got ONE fluke victory over me months ago. You already wasted your ‘lightning strikes twice’ moment when you beat Bianca to get here. You may think that you’re living on cloud nine and that you have a bright future in this company just because of a fluke here and a fluke there. But, your luck has run out… especially against me!

Minka Carter: Tonight? Not only do I destroy you and retain this United States Championship…

Minka Carter: But tonight also marks the beginning of the end for you here in BWF… count on THAT!

Minka has a vicious, evil look in her eyes as she walks out of the scene with her championship. She hears the boos from the audience as the scene cuts out.


The crowd is hot for Joanna the Jungle Girl as this U.S. Title match kicks off. Minka Carter tries to get in the head of Joanna... but she responds by immediately locking in The Huntress Strikes (Kimura Lock)! Minka escapes, but it's clear that Joanna has the Champ rattled!

Minka goes off, but it seems like Joanna has an answer for everything she tries, leading to several near falls. The tide turns however, when Joanna goes for an Amazon Splash in the corner - and immediately goes flat in the ring! What is the world is going on?!

The turnbuckle pad is gone - Minka has it in her hands! The ref is checking on Joanna and misses Minka tossing the pad out of the ring. She covers... the ref counts... and Minka has stolen the win here tonight in Cincinnati! Unbelievable!


Alison James: The crowd is not happy with the way this one ended, but one person has to be - Minka Carter, STILL your BWF United States Champion!


We head backstage where Stutterfly is standing by.

Katie Shelley: There must always be a Shelley in BWF. That's who I am, who I REALLY am - Katie Goddamn Shelley. And tonight, a Shelley is leaving Cincinnati the NEW BWF World Champion - just as it should be. Game ON.


The ring is surrounded by weapons and implements of doom as Aislin Finn and Kasey Kash make their way to the ring. They immediately exit the ring, grab weapons, and start brawling. Both get pretty banged up before this one ever enters the ring for the first time.

The match moves to the ring, weapons in tow, and Aislin and Kasey continue pummeling one another. Finn tries to lock Kash in the Barghest (Rolling Guillotine Choke Armbar), but Kash cracks her across the face with a kendo stick and nearly gets a three count off of it.

Aislin and Kasey fight onto the top rope, where Kash tries to put Finn through a table with the Crash Landing, but Finn counters, turning it into a modified Bogha instead - THROUGH the table! Absolute wreckage as Finn covers - 1, 2, 3... this one is over!



Backstage, a dejected Emily Corlen is preparing to leave the arena, but "Stutterfly" Katie Shelley stops her.

Katie Shelley: I know you had a shit year. Boo hoo. Turn off those bullshit emotions, go out there, and start being the Emerald Fucking Phoenix again or so help me god, I WILL RETIRE YOU MYSELF.


Nessa Wall and Kurt Hullum are in the ring; it's time to determine the next #1 Contender to the BWF World Title! Despite the animosity between these two, they both start the match off gingerly, each one focusing more on defense than going for a big move.

As the match rolls on, and neither competitor is gaining much ground, the big swings start to come out. Hullum hits a Crash Landing (Snapmare Driver), Wall hits an Application Denied (Beautiful Disaster Kick). Both score near falls, but neither one is down for long.

It seems like a win is moments away for Hullum when he catches Wall with the World of Kurt (Gogoplata)... but Nessa pushes Kurt's shoulders down and lifts her legs onto the ropes! The referee doesn't see it and Kurt is shocked when Nessa scores the three and the win!



It's main event time! "Stutterfly" Katie Shelley vs. Johnny Maverick for the BWF World Title! This one starts out strong, with Johnny working on wearing down Katie's arm, while she targets his surgically-repaired neck. A Warp Whistle (Tornado DDT) nets Katie the first near fall of the match.

The Champ quickly recovers, ultimately catching Katie with the Prelude to Perfection (Jumping Double Knee Armbreaker) minutes later. He goes for the Perfect Armbar, but Katie wisely grabs the ropes before he can cinch the move in.

Johnny goes for the OF!MF! (Running Shotei strike to the Face), but misses Katie, hitting the referee instead! With the ref down, Emily Corlen runs out and... bicycle kicks her ex-husband in the face?!

Liam Stewart: WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Alison James: Katie seems pleased; is this one over?!

Emily quickly exits and Katie readies a Limit Break (RKO) for Maverick... but Johnny pulls her to the mat with a counter - perhaps out of instinct - and locks in the Perfect Armbar! The crowd roars, and after a few moments, Katie has no choice but to tap out!


Alison James: Despite the odds, Johnny Maverick has once again emerged victorious and leaves Holiday Havok STILL your BWF World Champion!

Liam Stewart: He may have Nessa Wall on the horizon - but tonight, as we go off-air, it's all about him.

Alison James: Good night Cincinnati - we'll see you all soon!

We see one final shot of Johnny Maverick celebrating with his BWF World Title before the feed fades to the BWF logo, and finally to black.